The "Trouble" With Youth Ministry

Mike Yaconelli was the co-founder of Youth Specialties. He spent 43 years of his life in ministry to youth, and 20 years as a pastor of a small church in Yreka, California. He was known for challenging convention and was an inspiration to many on youth ministry. The following article is his, and should be read and considered by us. He passed away in October of 2003 in an automobile accident.

The “Trouble” With Youth Ministry
(From the March 2001 YouthWorker Journal)

Youth ministry is dangerous. When you and I are trying to follow Jesus we’re going to get into trouble. Trouble making is what discipleship looks like. Our role is not to create nice, compliant American citizens ready to get a good job and have 2.4 kids. Our job is to introduce young people to the life-ruining Jesus who causes nothing but trouble.

Listen…if your church doesn’t have a rule made just because of your youth ministry (no soccer in the sanctuary, no orange punch in fellowship hall), you aren’t letting Jesus be first place in your ministry. Trouble is the youth worker’s middle name. Remember, all they can do is fire you.

A youth worker in our town was recently fired because he was reaching the "wrong kind of kid." I thought the wrong kind of kid was the right kind of kid. The elders insisted that youth ministry was not about bringing in the "riff raff" off the streets but working with the kids that were already Christians. I thought we were all riff raff.

A church where the ethnic mix was changing hired a young woman to work with gang members, who after a few weeks was successful in gathering a few gang members for a Bible study. She actually talked them into coming to the church building for the study. One night she was talking about Matthew 6:33 (But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness…) and explaining that if you want to be a disciple of Jesus, nothing can be more important than him. Her words were, "if the gang is more important than Jesus, then the gang has to go. If your girlfriend is more important than Jesus, then she has to go." One of the gang members was so into what she was saying that after those words he reacted violently by throwing his arms back and saying, "Sh*t! It’s hard to be a disciple!" When he swung his arm back he broke a window set in the wall. The church leadership found out and was very upset at having to pay $26 to fix the window. They actually put the gang members on restriction and told them they couldn’t meet in the church room for a week.

I’m thinking to myself, "WHAT? WAS THIS CHURCH CRAZY? Any leader who can teach the gospel so well that a group of gang members understand exactly what Jesus meant is one heck of a teacher! I want what she’s got. But it gets worse. A few weeks later, the pastor accidentally interrupted one of the gang Bible studies. He sat down and spent a few minutes talking with the gang members. After he left one of the guys said, "Hey, I like that guy. Let’s go to church this Sunday." The youth worker decided to have the gang members sit in the balcony rather than with the congregation downstairs. When the minister came out and announced the giving of the peace, one of the gang members stood up and yelled, "Hey, dude, you are cool!" The entire congregation turned around in shock. After the service the youth worker was told not to bring the gang members to church until they learned how to behave.

Again I’m thinking, "WHAT?" The entire congregation should have turned around, stood on their feet and yelled, "Hey, you guys are cool! Come on down here. You could really help us since none of us can see or hear!" Then they should have given the youth worker a raise. They didn’t. She was fired.

Unfortunately, many people in the church are more concerned about rules, policies, and procedures than they are about the unbelievable, miraculous, spectacular, unprecedented, once-in-a-lifetime event that occurs when someone starts to get well. When people get well, it exposes the sickness of those around them. Rather than getting mad, there should have been a celebration because a group of gang members miraculously desired to be part of the Church.

Woo-Hoo!!

Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t easier for rocks to cry out in the presence of Jesus than it is for some church members to celebrate the "trouble" genuine youth ministry causes.

You're Invited!

Next weekend, October 17 and 18, here at Eastview Christian Church, our ministry team is going to be considering that very question. In 2009, every single event, every meeting, every trip, EVERYTHING, that we do will be examined through the lens of that question.

The best part? You’re invited to the discussion. Here at Eastview, we believe that you love your kids more than we ever could. We believe that you have more sway in the lives of your kids than we do. You are the influencer. As a parent of two teens and one 10 year-old, I find that concept frightening. And because of the influence that you wield, we want and need your advice and input. So, come. With an open heart. With open ears. And most importantly, an open mouth. This is for any parent, church member or not.

We’ll start Friday night at 5:30pm with a meal. Friday will mostly be a review of 2008, a review of our events, meetings, material, our challenges, victories and struggles. You’ll also hear from our adult leaders, as well as a few students. We’ll end the night by 10:30 with s’mores around a fire pit.

Saturday, we’ll get started about 9am. For much of the morning, we’ll talk about the big idea, ““How can we get our students to examine their own understandings of Jesus?” Part of this conversation will be “dealing with difficult and disruptive students”. The balance of the day will be spent talking about our activities, our calendar, our budget as they relate to the big question. We’ll be done by 4pm.

In order for us to have the right amount of food, please let me know that you’re coming. You can call me at church (393-9570), my cellular (389-5384), or drop me an email (jmulholland@eastview.net). I sure hope that you’ll take advantage of this time to invest in your kids and our ministry here.

If anyone ever asked me...

I thought that this was a great article.

From The Journal of Student Ministries:

"I would tell him that the youth and the elders of the church should be more connected; not treated as two separate churches. That the elders have so much to offer our youth; and that our youth have so much to offer our elders. I would tell him to let the two generations serve together – in worship, ministry and missions.

I would tell him that the youth have as many gifts and talents as anyone else in the church and should be involved in every area – from toddlers, to worship; from design to implementation. I would tell him that it is because of their involvement in the church, that they will respect the church; not reject it.

I would tell him that he should come to youth events – uninvited. To just show up - not to evaluate me – but to play unguarded with the students. That play can take on any form – from wild water games to ultimate Frisbee tournaments; from quiet, contemplative worship and meditation to deeply, engrossing theological debates. I would tell him that he is always welcome – I shouldn’t have to ask him to come. And I would tell him, that the students would think he is super cool for having the courage to come.

I would tell him that training the parents is his job, not mine. That it is his job to teach the parents the importance of the youth ministry and its events, bible studies, fundraisers and mission projects. That it is his job to tell them that the success of the students relationship with Christ is on their shoulders; not mine. It is his job to tell the parents that I’m not the enemy, and that I simply love their kids as much like Christ as I possibly can. And that doesn’t mean that I want to raise their kids!"

"The Youth Group vs. The Family"

"Unfortunately, more often than not there is a gap that exists between the life of a youth ministry and the life of the youth family. Familiar with that gap? Let me present you with two of the more common problems that families run into when it comes to the relationship between their church’s youth ministry program and their youth.

First, there is the classic lack of communication. Symptoms include: not knowing what’s going on, not knowing when things are happening, unaware of who’s in charge, or which adults will be working with or chaperoning your teenager, etc. This, no doubt, can be a very discouraging problem.

Second – another time-tested classic – the problem of competition. Oftentimes, families feel like their church’s youth program is competing against them for quality time with their youth. Usually, this is caused when youth don’t want to hang out with their families because they want to go and do something with the youth group...

Either way, when it comes to the youth group vs. the family, the family should win every time because the family (and not the youth group) is the God-ordained institution responsible for bringing up youth in the fear and admonition of the Lord. The youth group, on the other hand, is simply here to help."

I am in 100%, complete and total agreement with that last statement. I believe that the family (parents, that's YOU) is the God-ordained creation responsible for bringing up children in the LORD. Our student ministry simply exists to help. I hope that you'll let me know how we can help.

Read the rest of this great article here.

Fall Overnighters

Our Fall 2008 Overnighters are right around the corner...

They both run from 8pm, and end by 9am.

The Gals' Overnighter is at the home of Kathy Thomas. Kathy and her daughter Laurie (she was a youth sponsor who's now attending classes at UNI are hosting. They'll be hot-tubbing, among other things. Just click on the "Calendar" link to the left for her address.

The Guys' Overnighter is at Eastview. Me, Josh Davis and Gregg Lunde, and maybe another adult or 2 are running the show. We'll be HALO'ing, shooting one another with our softair guns, watching some movies, and from 9-1130 we'll be...well, it's a secret. But, if you show up at 9, the doors'll be locked, and you ain't coming in, so make sure your're there on time.

We need a signed permission slip for all of those going to either Overnighter, and the cost per student is a wimpy $5. They'll need to bring the normal overnighter stuff.

Need a permission slip? Email me at jmulholland@eastview.net

Accountability, Respect, and other things...

Over the past few weeks (months really), we've had a number of respect issues within our youth group. We've been thinking about how we should deal with these things; and we've decided that we're going to tackle them head on.
I came across the blog of a youth pastor from Canada. He has some interesting things to say about accountability.

"When are we going to stop turning our heads away from people and their irresponsibility. When are we going to look at how people are treated, talked to, disrespected and everything else and begin to confront those doing it?"

"When are we going to look at the people that try and bend the rules - and tell them to STOP!"

Our answer to those questions, and the others that he posts are "now".

Check out the rest of his post here.

Parents...you're needed!

Here are a few highlights from an article in the August 31st Christian Standard. The article is entitled "Parents Matter" and can be read in it's entirety here.

"More than anyone—peers, teachers, youth ministers—the greatest single influence on a teen is his parents. That may shock some parents who feel like a discarded shoe when their children reach adolescence. Research proves parents have the greatest effect on their children’s choices, including their religious and spiritual practices."

"The alarming rate of teen church dropouts (61-88 percent depending on the research study) requires urgent attention. When young people leave the church, we lose the spiritual assets of fresh talent, spiritual gifts, and passion that the body of Christ needs to be complete."

"Fifty-one percent of teens in the study said they would like to talk more about religious matters with their parents. According to USA Weekend magazine, one in three teens say they rarely or never have a conversation with a parent that lasts longer than 15 minutes."

"LifeWay Research found that 57 percent of teens remain in church after age 17 when it is an established expectation. Teens need to hear that church attendance matters to their parents. Parents must also walk their talk. Parents who attend church regularly, and who genuinely like church and actively serve in church, are more likely to have teens who remain in church. Fathers actually have a greater impact on teens’ decision to stay in church after age 17."

Everything that I have read confirms the statements made in this article. Our ministry is based in large part on the concept that YOU are the primary influence in the lives of your children. One of the questions posed in another article recently posted on this blog, "Indoctrinated or Educated" is this..."Are there things we’re teaching kids in youth group that parents are undermining in the home?". Based on conversations that I personally have had with students about religious activity within the home, I'd say yes.