Family Ministry- A Model- Milestones 3 & 4

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3- Milestones 1 & 2


Milestone 3- Preparing for Adolescence.  "This stage of development requires parents to rethink how they connect with their children relationally to lead them spiritually....Understanding our identity in Christ answers two questions that are important for every person to answer: Who am I--and whose am I?"  The church comes alongside parents to help them lead these Faith Talks and God Sightings at home. 

• Core Competencies: Identity in Christ, spiritual growth, spiritual disciplines
  
• Champion:  The champion for this milestone is the children's ministry team in conjunction with the student ministry team.  The focus is on Faith Talks, God Sightings and resources to equip parents.
• Parent Seminar:  This seminar takes place before age 9; while that seems (and is) young, the foundation for identity in Christ must be set early because the challenge to maintain that identity in light of our cultures sexualization.  Here, parents learn how to help their children navigate physical change, identity and sex issues. 
• Church Event:  Each year, Brian's church has a 24-hour retreat for fourth and fifth grade students that specifically deal with one of the core competencies for this milestone.  In the time leading up to this retreat, the childrens ministry focuses on spiritual disciplines, identity and spiritual growth.  Sexual purity is NOT addressed, but parents are resource for a family/parent getaway to specifically address it.
• Family Event: This is a Road Trip that has been carefully planned by the parents to celebrate the transition into adolescence.  The Faith Talks and God Sightings that precede this lay the foundation for the event.  

Milestone 4- Commitment to Purity.   "Purity for life is a foreign concept in mainstream culture.  Without a foundational moral source like the Bible, young people face a chaotic number of relational options.  But God has a clear plan for life, relationships, marriage and sex."  .  The ages between 7-13 are when many children growing up in a Christian home will make a commitment to Christ.  What does this look like?

• Core Competencies: Biblical purity, healthy relationships, identity in Christ
  
• Champion: The champion here is the student ministry team, specifically, the youth minister or a small group leader takes on this role within the church, the family and the students.  They "ensure that integration is occurring between the youth ministry experience at church and the parents' spiritual direction at home."  Curriculum, events, and programming is intentionally chosen to reflect the competencies and parents are sourced for Faith Talks and God Sightings. 
• Parent Seminar: This seminar takes place at the beginning of a students' 6th grade year, and Brian has mature high school seniors share about the realities of a sexualized culture with parents.  A number of resources are made available to parents, with the key being parents encouraged to keep the lines of communication open about this topic. 
• Church Event: The church event is a Commitment to Purity weekend.  A representative from a local crisis pregnancy center might be brought in on Friday to share the experiences of that person and organization.  "The youth ministry and pregnancy help center can only reiterate the principles parents have been teaching for months."  Saturday is a discussion-based event about identity in Christ, friendships, accountability and wide variety of other similar topics discussed.  Sunday worship is a celebration of purity and commitment.
• Family Event: The family gives their son or daughter a purity ring as a symbol of their commitment.

Again, we are at the "gee...this looks perfect."   I've said it before, and I will say it again: parents need to step it up.  But, the church must be there to help them step it up.  In Exodus 17, Moses' arms grew tired, Aaron and Hur held them up.  Here is the honest truth, the church as a whole has, for too long, taken the place of parents in spiritual development.  There are a ton of reasons for this, some legitimate, most are not.  I love parents, and want to equip them, but, this must be a church-wide effort. 






"Parents must be pursuing spiritual growth and exercising spiritual disciplines as an outpouring of their identity in Christ to influence their children to do the same.  This is why a strong adult Christian education ministry is so important."  If the adult education process in a church is not clearly focused on making disciples and equipping the Body of Christ to make disciples above all other things, a student and children's ministry will be limited, and severely so.  


Hard question: How can we lovingly come alongside parents to teach and equip them, knowing that some might not want to disciple their kids?


Questions?  Concerns?  Possible solutions?

Family Ministry- A Model- Milestones 1 & 2

 
Part 1

Part 2

Reminder, a milestone is a "marker of progression on the spiritual formation journey." With that in mind...


Milestone 1- The Birth of a Baby.  Brian Haynes writes "Christian parents are naturally compelled to dedicate their newborn children to God.  The act of dedication is actually a commitment on the parents' part to raise their children in the ways of the Lord." 

• Core Competency: The parent as the primary faith influencer.
• Champion:  The champion for this milestone is the children's ministry team, specifically, those over the preschool area.  This person works to build relationships with new (or repeating parents), and this should begin long before birth.  In the midst of relationship building, they prepare parents for the church event and faith training at home.
• Parent Seminar:  Where Brian serves, this is a required 2-hour seminar, and it is all about creating the understanding of parents as primary faith influencer.  Parents learn the big picture (all seven milestones) and the church clearly communicates how they will partner and equip the parents. 
• Church Event:  Once the parents have attended the seminar, they schedule the baby dedication for a time when the whole church can celebrate.  Those gathered serve as witnesses and take their stand with the parents and new born.

 Milestone 2- Faith Commitment.  The ages between 7-13 are when many children growing up in a Christian home will make a commitment to Christ.  What does this look like?

• Core Competency: Jesus, faith, the Bible, sin, repentance, salvation
• Champion: The champion here is the children's ministry team, specifically the ministry team leader.  This person equips parents so that they can engage their kids with Faith Talks and God Sightings.  The church teaches these things in both children's ministry and adult ministry contexts.
• Parent Seminar: Brian offers this twice per year, with the focus on leading Faith Talks and God Sightings in the home  It's not a checklist; it is about have real conversations in the midst of life.  
• Church Event: For Eastview, this would be immersion, and might take place in our building, at camp, on a service project (we've baptised students in all 3 environments).  
• Family Event: The family holds a spiritual birthday party in their home, family, church members (especially their champions) are present.  

These two are the foundations for a solid, practical family ministry model.   And, for the church filled with "church kids", looks pretty simple.  But...


Are the adults and parents living out an authentic relationship with Christ?  
This teaching fall squarely on church leadership to clearly communicate, and then expect, people who call themselves followers of Christ, to provide opportunities for people to minister and be edified as those followers of Christ.  The teaching needs to include the biblical mandate for their role in the family.  To start, the church leadership, at all levels, must embrace and live out the model if they are to pass it down to the rest of the body.  When asked about this at KidMin in October, Brian stated that landing this among the leadership, creating the vision and implementation, took at least 18 months from start to finish.  There was a 4-6 month teaching process for their leadership team.  Like everything else in life, this will take patience and time.

What about kids coming from an un-churched family? 
If the above is tough, this is the real tough nut to crack.  Once the church leadership families are living this out, their role is to partner with kids from these "non-traditional families" and, in some ways take ownership of this situation.  The church cannot sit idly by and watch kids fall through the cracks.  All the while, these families should be developing relationships with parents and families as a "big-picture" church ministry effort.  And this will be a long and arduous path that churches must decide on the front end that they will walk. 

How do we deal with the brokenness, the mess of ministry that will be created by the above?
By living out the Gospel...love, mercy, grace, trust, faith, hope, service and equipping and being equipped for ministry.  It will take effort, coin and time.  It will take the church being the Body of Christ.  Ephesians 5:1-2 says this- "Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."  In short, it will take everything that we have, which requires the church leadership to lead from the front.

Questions?  Concerns?  Possible solutions? 

Family Ministry- A Model, Part 2- Milestones

Part 1

What follows is a specific plan for the implementation of a family-ministry model created by Brian Haynes at his church in Texas.  It is not THE model, but A possible one.  No doubt, there are questions, thoughts, concerns, comments and observations to be made; this series of posts is designed to promote thought and curiosity in how a similar model might be created where you worship.  What this series is not designed to do is to convince parents of their role as primary faith influencers for their families.  I've done that ad naseum on previous posts (here, and here).  Parents...it's on you.  Let's talk "How?"

Picking up where we left off yesterday, let's talk about Milestones.  A Milestone is a "marker of progression on the spiritual formation journey."  When these markers are reached, there is a celebration, both in the church and the home.  Brian writes, "As parents, (we) needed a simple step-by-step approach to becoming the primary faith influences for our daughters.  Even more so, we needed the church to partner with us in the spiritual development of our children--not to take our place as the primary faith influencers, but to train us and to reinforce what we're teaching our children."  Enter Milestones as the progression:

Milestone 1- The Birth of a Baby

Milestone 2- Faith Commitment

Milestone 3- Preparing for Adolescence

Milestone 4- Commitment to Purity

Milestone 5- Passage to Adulthood

Milestone 6- High School Graduation

Milestone 7- Life in Christ

Chances are, your church is already doing something within the context of the above things.  Perhaps your church celebrates birth through a baby dedication or sprinkles infants.  Maybe your youth ministry has an event that culminates with a purity ring being given.  Certainly, you celebrate when high school student graduate.  Moving toward a model like the one above begins with a review of what milestones (we call them transitions at Eastview) you are already doing and then thinking about what they might look like at another level.  Over the next week, I will detail what each of the above milestones looks like, and how they might be applied within my specific context.  I'd love for your thoughts and feedback, ministry is not to be done alone!

So...what methods does your church use now to celebrate or observe life transitions?

Tomorrow: Milestones 1 & 2.

Family Ministry- A Model, Part 1

To summarize anything that has ever been said on this site, Christians are to evangelize the lost.  This happens best when people are not only equipped by the leaders of the church through practical ministry opportunities to serve, love and worship God, but when they engage in those ministy opportunities.  Essentially, there are two parts that we are necessarily called to: equipping and doing.  A church that merely equips yet does not act is guilty of the sin of omission (not doing what you know you ought) and the church that merely acts without the motivation of Christ is in danger of the the sin of commission in that they might point to false fruit as evidence of an inner working of Christ-why?  The lack of a Holy Spirit presence means that it's not worth doing. 

The family, is a key vehicle through which this happens.  The family is bigger than "just" people with kids, because God's family includes each and every follower of Christ, married, single, divorced, young, old, those with disabilities, those marginalized in society...God's family includes everyone.   So...what might a holistic "family ministry" look like?  I am a huge fan of Brian Haynes and his Legacy/Milestones Path.  I read his book in 2010, and attended all of his sessions at the recent KidMin Conference in Chicago last month.

Over the next week and a half, I will use his book Shift: What it Takes to Finally Reach Families Today to methodically describe the model I'd begin with (and contextualize for the specific ministry situation) if I had the opportunity.  Here's the caveat the Brian himself makes at the front of the book: the specifics laid out were done with his situation and context in mind.  As I read his book last year, I was filled with questions, real legitimate ones that need to be asked.  And now, my caveat...this is not and would not be easy to implement.  Without the Holy Spirit working in the hearts and minds of the church leadership, it won't happen.  What's needed at the front end is a Champion, and that must be Christ as the Head.  So, to begin, let's define Brian's terms:

Milestones: They are "markers of progression on the spiritual formation journey" (there are 7 milestones).

Core Competencies: "Key truths learned as progression from one milestone to the next."

Faith Talks: "Intentional times set aside each week for conversation based on Scripture."

God Sightings: "Informal opportunities to discuss God and His Work around us."

Church Events: "Equipping opportunities for parents, families, adults and kids, as well as milestone celebrations."

Parent Summit Conference: "Twice a year events hosted by the church to encourage and motivate parents and adults."

Parent Seminars: "Seminars related specifically to the 7 milestones."

Family Celebrations: "At-home celebrations for milestones."

Take-Home Sunday: "We teach people in adult Bible study groups a specific skill related to leading children through the milestones."

Generational Team: "Aligns the children, youth and adult ministries along a common path of spiritual formation that links faith and home and develops ways to equip parents as primary faith influencers."

Well, there you have it.  If you're like me, you've now got a million questions.
"What about kids from families that don't go to my (or any) church?" 
"How do we implement this?"
"Where do I start?"

Next Post: Listing the 7 Milestones.

Family Ministry, part 3- Roots

What is "family ministry"? 

Since I am a Christian, I will defer to God's Word (aka-The Bible) for some tips. 

Point 1- Parents have a primary faith influence (even if they are absent), either positively or negatively.  They leave a legacy whether they like it or not.

A brief overview of the first few books of the Bible will show us that things are passed down from parent to child. 

• Cain likely learned about bitterness and anger from his parents, Adam and Eve.  No doubt, they spent many a day arguing and blaming one another about their former residence: the Garden of Eden.
• Noah's sons learned to build an altar from him after the Flood.
• Abram tried to pass his wife Sarai off as his sister, which would later be repeated by his son Isaac.

Point 2- This spiritual legacy is God's plan.

• Deuteronomy 6:6-9- "Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates." 
• Understanding this verse is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL.  There are two types of conversations commanded here: informal and formal (More on this tomorrow).
• Psalm 78:5-8- "He planted a witness in Jacob, set his Word firmly in Israel, Then commanded our parents to teach it to their children So the next generation would know, and all the generations to come—Know the truth and tell the stories so their children can trust in God, Never forget the works of God but keep his commands to the letter. Heaven forbid they should be like their parents, bullheaded and bad, A fickle and faithless bunch who never stayed true to God."
• Notice the word "COMMANDED".
• Proverbs 22:6- "Point your kids in the right direction—when they're old they won't be lost."
• This implies consistent effort and engagement by parents.  
• Ephesians 6:4- "Fathers, don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master."

So, here you go:

Parents, you are leaving a legacy.
You are called to do so.

Here are two questions worth asking:

"What kind of legacy will you leave?"

"What does it mean for how a church practices ministry if the church and family are to partner together to make disciples through spiritual formation?"

Join the conversation!  Leave comments, questions and concerns below.

Family ministry, part 2- Initial Thoughts

Part 1, here.

"Family Ministry" is the current buzz-phrase in the youth ministry circles that I run in.  Over the past few months, I've seen all sorts of churches looking to hire people, their job titles range from "Youth and Family Pastor" to "Director of Family Ministry".  But, a closer look at the actual job descriptions reveals a different story altogether; at best, it's all about the tweaking of existing programming to be more "family friendly" and at worst, they are simply looking to maintain the status-quo.

A friend of mine, in the midst of the job search process, confirms my observations.  He would ask them about steps taken to merge worship opportunities, he was met with resistance because adults liked being able to drop their kids off so that they could focus during the service.  He would talk about families serving together and those interviewing him would tell him that serving together sounded great, but that was something they were thinking about in the future.  In the end, for many churches, "family ministry" looks like parent handouts, a meeting every so-often, and weekly communication (guilty, guilty, and guilty).  Generally speaking, we don't spend a lot on time thinking about how we might integrate and unite families in ministry.  We don't think about the implications of sending kids to "their own worship" on a Sunday morning.  There are too many questions, the model too untried and ill-defined to dig deeply. 

Last week, I posted an introduction to this current series of posts on family ministry. This requires us to think differently, to think outside our box.  If a church goes to a family-ministry model, and promotes it, that church needs to think in advance about what it might be like for the various people in their midst... the single mom or dad with three kids...the empty-nesters...the unmarried college student or career-person.  In essence, the word "family" will need to be defined within the context of the family of God. 

Love to hear your thoughts:

How would you define "family ministry"?
Do you feel that your church is "family-friendly"?  How?
What are some possible (positive or negative) implications of building a church model around families?

Family Ministry, part 1

This past weekend, our family was blessed to attend Group Publishing's "KidMin 2011" Children's Ministry Conference.  Anne and I helped in "The Shelter"- their prayer room, our boys helped out before and after the main sessions, and our daughter helped out with a band's merchandising table on Saturday night.

I also attended all of the sessions that Brian Haynes led; it was solely focused on family ministry.  Over the next few weeks, I'll post some thoughts about the sessions, his philosophy of ministry, and some ways that we might equip parents to lead their families. 

Here are some introductory thoughts right out of my notes from his first session:

Theological premise/foundation for family ministry?
-There is a generational training plan in place
-Parents and families must intentionally integrate faith into daily life
    -They do this by modeling spiritual service and evangelism

All disciples of Jesus are given the mandate to make disciples as the church.  The family has a distinct role to play.
  -Deuteronomy 6- community-wide and around my table, by the way that we live- church oversees the family by equipping them.

Family of origin has the most influential impact on the lives of kids.
   -Deuteronomy 6 to Psalm 78 to Proverbs 22:6 to Ephesians 6:4

Parents have a primary faith influence, either positively or negatively (even if absent).  They leave a legacy whether they like it or not.  They abdicated their role to us and we called them to us and told them that discipleship happened at the church.  Now, faith takes place in a certain building, in a certain place, on a certain day, at a certain time. This is called "compartmentalization."

What does this mean for how we practice ministry if the church and family are to partner together to make disciples through spiritual formation?  How are we to "do" ministry?

Help me write this blog!  Please post your thoughts, comments, questions, and your PUSH BACK below. 



For more detailed information about who Brian is, what he does, and a lot of specifics, Brian has a website where he lays his model out at Legacymilestones.com.  Brian also blogs about his journey at his blog http://legacyblog.org/.  I know that he'd love for you to check it out and connect with him.