Family Ministry, part 3- Roots

What is "family ministry"? 

Since I am a Christian, I will defer to God's Word (aka-The Bible) for some tips. 

Point 1- Parents have a primary faith influence (even if they are absent), either positively or negatively.  They leave a legacy whether they like it or not.

A brief overview of the first few books of the Bible will show us that things are passed down from parent to child. 

• Cain likely learned about bitterness and anger from his parents, Adam and Eve.  No doubt, they spent many a day arguing and blaming one another about their former residence: the Garden of Eden.
• Noah's sons learned to build an altar from him after the Flood.
• Abram tried to pass his wife Sarai off as his sister, which would later be repeated by his son Isaac.

Point 2- This spiritual legacy is God's plan.

• Deuteronomy 6:6-9- "Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates." 
• Understanding this verse is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL.  There are two types of conversations commanded here: informal and formal (More on this tomorrow).
• Psalm 78:5-8- "He planted a witness in Jacob, set his Word firmly in Israel, Then commanded our parents to teach it to their children So the next generation would know, and all the generations to come—Know the truth and tell the stories so their children can trust in God, Never forget the works of God but keep his commands to the letter. Heaven forbid they should be like their parents, bullheaded and bad, A fickle and faithless bunch who never stayed true to God."
• Notice the word "COMMANDED".
• Proverbs 22:6- "Point your kids in the right direction—when they're old they won't be lost."
• This implies consistent effort and engagement by parents.  
• Ephesians 6:4- "Fathers, don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master."

So, here you go:

Parents, you are leaving a legacy.
You are called to do so.

Here are two questions worth asking:

"What kind of legacy will you leave?"

"What does it mean for how a church practices ministry if the church and family are to partner together to make disciples through spiritual formation?"

Join the conversation!  Leave comments, questions and concerns below.

Family ministry, part 2- Initial Thoughts

Part 1, here.

"Family Ministry" is the current buzz-phrase in the youth ministry circles that I run in.  Over the past few months, I've seen all sorts of churches looking to hire people, their job titles range from "Youth and Family Pastor" to "Director of Family Ministry".  But, a closer look at the actual job descriptions reveals a different story altogether; at best, it's all about the tweaking of existing programming to be more "family friendly" and at worst, they are simply looking to maintain the status-quo.

A friend of mine, in the midst of the job search process, confirms my observations.  He would ask them about steps taken to merge worship opportunities, he was met with resistance because adults liked being able to drop their kids off so that they could focus during the service.  He would talk about families serving together and those interviewing him would tell him that serving together sounded great, but that was something they were thinking about in the future.  In the end, for many churches, "family ministry" looks like parent handouts, a meeting every so-often, and weekly communication (guilty, guilty, and guilty).  Generally speaking, we don't spend a lot on time thinking about how we might integrate and unite families in ministry.  We don't think about the implications of sending kids to "their own worship" on a Sunday morning.  There are too many questions, the model too untried and ill-defined to dig deeply. 

Last week, I posted an introduction to this current series of posts on family ministry. This requires us to think differently, to think outside our box.  If a church goes to a family-ministry model, and promotes it, that church needs to think in advance about what it might be like for the various people in their midst... the single mom or dad with three kids...the empty-nesters...the unmarried college student or career-person.  In essence, the word "family" will need to be defined within the context of the family of God. 

Love to hear your thoughts:

How would you define "family ministry"?
Do you feel that your church is "family-friendly"?  How?
What are some possible (positive or negative) implications of building a church model around families?

Family Ministry, part 1

This past weekend, our family was blessed to attend Group Publishing's "KidMin 2011" Children's Ministry Conference.  Anne and I helped in "The Shelter"- their prayer room, our boys helped out before and after the main sessions, and our daughter helped out with a band's merchandising table on Saturday night.

I also attended all of the sessions that Brian Haynes led; it was solely focused on family ministry.  Over the next few weeks, I'll post some thoughts about the sessions, his philosophy of ministry, and some ways that we might equip parents to lead their families. 

Here are some introductory thoughts right out of my notes from his first session:

Theological premise/foundation for family ministry?
-There is a generational training plan in place
-Parents and families must intentionally integrate faith into daily life
    -They do this by modeling spiritual service and evangelism

All disciples of Jesus are given the mandate to make disciples as the church.  The family has a distinct role to play.
  -Deuteronomy 6- community-wide and around my table, by the way that we live- church oversees the family by equipping them.

Family of origin has the most influential impact on the lives of kids.
   -Deuteronomy 6 to Psalm 78 to Proverbs 22:6 to Ephesians 6:4

Parents have a primary faith influence, either positively or negatively (even if absent).  They leave a legacy whether they like it or not.  They abdicated their role to us and we called them to us and told them that discipleship happened at the church.  Now, faith takes place in a certain building, in a certain place, on a certain day, at a certain time. This is called "compartmentalization."

What does this mean for how we practice ministry if the church and family are to partner together to make disciples through spiritual formation?  How are we to "do" ministry?

Help me write this blog!  Please post your thoughts, comments, questions, and your PUSH BACK below. 



For more detailed information about who Brian is, what he does, and a lot of specifics, Brian has a website where he lays his model out at Legacymilestones.com.  Brian also blogs about his journey at his blog http://legacyblog.org/.  I know that he'd love for you to check it out and connect with him.

Lies, Lies, Lies

We are surrounded by lies and deceit.  At least that's what the Bible tells us:

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places"-Ephesians 6:12.

We are taking our entire year's worth of youth group in both middle school and high school to talk about the lies and deceits that we hear, accept and then make decisions based on.  All of these lies are ruinous to us, and we need to do two things: 1-recognize them as lies, and 2-make decision to seek the truth.

Here is the list of lies that we'll be covering in one way or another this year:

1. God is not enough
2. God is not really involved in my life
3. God should fix my problems
4. God is just like my father
5. Everything that happens is spiritual warfare
6. Iʼve never been exposed to Satanic activities
7. Beautiful people are worth more
8. I have to perform to be loved
9. I need a boyfriend/girlfriend
10.Itʼs ok to go out with a non-Christian
11.Itʼs not really sex
12.I canʼt handle the loneliness of being alone
13.Itʼs ok to be one person at home and a different person with others, especially online
14.If I just had friends, I wouldnʼt be lonely
15.Iʼm my own authority
16.My youth pastor is my connection with God
17.Everyone at church is judging me
18.Of course Iʼm a Christian, I...
19.I canʼt overcome sin
20.In certain situations itʼs ok to break the law or rules if Iʼm not hurting myself or others
21.The benefits of constant media usage outweigh the harms
22.Itʼs not a waste of time, even if it is, itʼs ok...
23.Having a successful career is more important that just being a mother or father
24.What I do now doesnʼt affect the future

Please let us know how we might come alongside and encourage you!

On Mexico

Over the past 5+ years, we've given our high school students the opportunity to join us in San Luis Potosi, Mexico for 2 weeks every other Summer.  The purpose of this trip is to work with a church there for their annual Summer Vacation Bible School.  Each Summer, they outreach into the neighborhood around the church and 300+ show up.  Since 1998, I've been there 9 times, and their ministry has grown.  They now have 3 additional VBS locations in and around San Luis Potosi, and probably minister to close to 450 people over a several week period.  We are blessed to go and be a part of what they do.

We are in the earliest of preparation for next years' trip.  Over the next few weeks, I will be meeting with some of our ministry team members to begin the conversation about the trip.  Here is what we'll be talking about:

• Why should they go?  
• they will grow deeply in their walk with God as the serve Him and other people
• they will see that we are surrounded by a culture of materialism and selfishness
• they will grow close to one another and the leaders as they serve together
• they will have the opportunity to put their faith into action in a real, tangible way

• Who can go?  This trip is for high school students and up.  As in the past, there will be an expectation set for those that are going.  This trip is about service to God and service to other people.  There are times on this trip where those going are outside of their comfort zones.  there will be times when each person on the trip will not get what they want.  They will experience these things when it comes to:
• the food they eat
• the cold shower they take
• the floor that they sleep on
• the language that they cannot understand
• the poverty that they will see
• the closeness of the group
• the lack of privacy and "down-time"

• When is the trip?  At this point, their Summer VBS is being scheduled in early-July of 2012.

• What kind of expectations will we have?  It's important to understand up front that this trip is a privilege.  While any of our high school students may desire to join this trip, it may not be for all of them.  One of the things that we try to do before the trip is prepare those going for the stretching of comfort zones.  We schedule pre-trip meetings to put our students and adults into situations that will be similar to the trip so we can see how we respond and react to one another under stress.  It's our goal to become a bonded group BEFORE the trip so that we can focus our energies on serving others and God.  Students and adults that are not interested in being prepared for the trip will not be allowed to participate.  

• What will the trip cost?  Our 2010 trip was around $1000 per person.  This included meals, lodging, transportation, everything but spending money.   In 2010, we offered a scholarship of $175, students had to write a book report and write fundraising letters.  Our Spaghetti Dinner/Dessert Auction is an easy way to raise funds for this trip.  

• What about safety?  This topic is one among many that we cover in our pre-trip sessions.  Safety is why:
• we tell our students to stay in groups
• we tell our students to stay where they are if they get separated
• we tell our students not to draw attention to themselves
• we tell our students to be aware of their surroundings
• we tell our students not to buy illegal items 
• we stay in a secure facility, with locked doors

• Safety, part 2.  We do our very best to take no unnecessary risks. An unnecessary risk would be allowing students to wander the market alone.  An unnecessary risk would be allowing our students to walk to the corner store without someone from the youth home with them. 
• On our 2008 trip, we had a student get separated from the rest of the group.  Instead of following instructions and remaining where she was, she went out in search for the group.  This was the worst 45 minutes of both of our lives as we frantically looked for this student.  Thankfully, she was found by another one of our groups.
• It's why we spend time with those that express interest in going on the trip and reserve the right to deny anyone (whether student, parent or adult) the privilege of attending this trip.  
• If someone has trouble listening to instructions on a Sunday night, then they will most likely have trouble following instructions in Mexico. 

• Safety, part 3.  The Mexican government is at war with the drug cartels.  The drug cartels are at war with one another.  Innocent bystanders and civilians have been caught up in this violence.  I neither can, nor will, say with 100% certainty that nothing will happen while we are in Mexico.  As the leaders of the trip, it is important that we share the reality of this trip and we want to partner with you as we plan.  As a parent, it is important that you understand what we are doing and why we are going, as well as have some honest conversation with your students about this trip.  

What's next?

• In the coming weeks, I will meet with our student ministry team and we will start some long-term planning.  If you would like to be a part of that, please let me know.
• By mid-November, we will schedule two initial meetings (only attendance at one is necessary) with parents and students to discuss the trip and the process for application.  These meetings will be a great place and time for questions, comments and concerns to be addressed.

In the meantime, please join us in praying for this trip, and the impact on lives that it will have!

A little about us, part 3- Youth Group

Sunday School

D-Group

And now...Youth Group.  What is it?  Why have it?

For the last 40 years or so, Youth Groups have been a huge part of churches and their programming geared toward kids.  When I was growing up back in the 80's (Dated?), each Sunday night you;d find me hanging out with the youth group of First Presbyterian Church in Peachtree City, Georgia.  We met each week in the homes of other kids; each week was in a different place.  We'd gather for some food, some fun, and a youth group lesson, usually 15-20 minutes in length.  The favorite topic?  Sex, of course.  I remember that the week before "sex night" (that just doesn't sound right!!) we were handed small pieces of paper, a pen, and encouraged to write down our questions, ANY questions that we had and the following week, our poor youth minister got up in from of the group and answered them. 

Guys like Steve Rembert, Thom McArthur, Martin Huggins were awesome; they loved us, put up with our antics, and taught us what it was like to follow Jesus each Sunday night and on trips all over the place.

Our "youth group" has two parts:

• Our middle school youth group meets on Wednesday nights from 6-8pm.  We have a meal, do a group activity, have a group lesson, and then split into small groups for some deeper discussion.  It takes a special kind of adult to work with middle school kids; they have high energy, lots of questions, and are really coming into their own, developing their identity.  We love middle school kids at Eastview.
• Our high school youth group meets on Sunday nights from 5:45-8pm.  We have a meal, do a group activity, have a group lesson, and then split into small groups for some deeper discussion.  High school kids are at the point in their lives where they are asking big questions and dealing with big issues; they are wrestling with who they are.  I love the depth of our high school kids at Eastview.

This year, in both middle school and high school youth groups, we'll be talking about the lies that surround them, are told to and about them, are told by them, that they fall for and believe, and then act on.  Lies like:

• God could never love me.
• I need a boyfriend/girlfriend.
• The music I listen to, and the movies I watch don't affect me.
• It's not really sex.

Each day, kids in our youth group struggle with and fall for these lies.  Satan is the great deceiver, we actually believe that and this year, we will be confronting our students with the truth of the gospel, and most importantly, with the Truth that is Jesus Christ.

Our youth group is designed to be a great place where kids can feel welcome to bring friends and have some good honest conversation about the God that loves them.  This is called "community" and we see in the Bible that Christians are called to it.  We want to talk about with them what Christianity looks like and what it means to be a follower and disciple of Christ.  We are looking forward to starting up next Wednesday (for middle school) and Sunday the 18th for high school!!

A little about us, part 2- D-Group

This is Part 2 of "A little about us" a series designed to tell parents the how's and why's of the youth ministry event schedule during the school year.  Part 1 was about Sunday School.  Let's talk about D-Group!

D-Group got its start in November of 2005, I had just come to Eastview, and on Sunday nights, I'd meet with 3-5 students and we would discuss questions like:

• When you hear the word "Christian", what comes to mind?
• Describe a time when God has worked in your life/
• What is worship?

These questions (and about 12-15 others) were written on a little legal pad on my desk  (still have the original pad!).  We would talk about the question, look up verses, discuss, argue, laugh...it was very casual and laid back.  Those that came loved it.  Over the years, as more kids wanted to join, it morphed into a Sunday night study, 2 hours long.  We read books together, talked about deeper theological discussions, pushed, and grew.  And then, when we split our group into two (ms & hs) in 2008, it went away.

Well...now it's back.  Beginning Sunday, September 18, from 4-5:30 (before HS youth group), we will be reading, studying and discussing the book Radical by David Platt.  A few things that parents and students need to know about D-Group:

• Those attending will get out of it what they put into it.  
• Students are expected to read a chapter per week and memorize Scripture.
• Students are expected to have read the material and be ready to discuss it.
• Students who choose to skip reading or preparation will at some point be asked to stop coming.  Why?  Because we are reading a book together and for those that don't read the book, attendance would be somewhat pointless.  Also, for the kids that are doing the work, they tend to get frustrated with those that do not.
• The cost of the book and material is $15/student.
• D-Group is for kids that want to be challenged and stretched in their faith in an environment that is designed and organized around that single goal.  We have fun, but it's not "let's play a game fun."  It's fun because we have time to go deep.

Students need to sign up by September 10 so I can order their books! 

As always, we'd love your feedback!  Please comment below or shoot me an email  I'd love to hear from you!