13 is the new 18?

I got this email today. My son Nathan, 14, has his own email account through MSN. When he originally signed up for it, he had to have parental authorization. Now, according to MSN, not only does he not need my authority to have an email account through them, but I may not "manage permission for this child for Microsoft Online Services." Here's the email in totality...the arrogance is astounding.

"Dear parent or guardian: According to the birth date provided for your child's Microsoft online account, Nathan is now 13 years old. You are therefore no longer able to manage permissions for the Nathan account through Account Services, and your child may create a new account without your permission. United States law requires websites and services to obtain parental permission to collect, use, or share personal information from children under 13. Because this child is now 13, you can no longer manage permission for this child for Microsoft online services."

Please take a look at the new calendar feature (left-hand side).

Soon, I will not be including a monthly calendar in my monthly mailing to you; I'm moving more and more info to this site, so please be checking often.

We're going to be doing a few "different" things over the next month or so, ex: a Fall Party next week in lieu of youth group on Wednesday night (note time change), and also our Sunday night group is going to Martelle TWICE in the coming months (once on November 25th, and again on December 9th).

For an article about passports for those looking into our Mexico trip:

Click here.

Why Mormons do better youth ministry than we do

Original Source
By Greg Stier from Dare2Share Ministries

"Let's face it. Most of us look at the clean cut Mormon missionaries that peddle the streets of our city and knock on the doors of our houses as somewhat out of date. Although they are kind and well spoken young men, when they knock on our doors we either don't answer or tell them we are already Christians who reject Mormonism and bid them good day

We think to ourselves how "behind the times" these young people are forced to be when they are required to do door-to-door evangelism for their religion. We reflect on how grateful we are that we have the truth once and for all delivered to the saints. We may even think about how much more superior our youth ministry strategies are compared to theirs.

Or are they?

• Mormons expect a lot out of their teenagers. We don't.
• Mormons ordain their young men into the ministry at the age of twelve. We don't.
• Mormons require their teens to attend seminary every day of high school. We don't.
• Mormons ask for two years in the field of every graduating senior. We don't.

Maybe that's why we don't meet a lot of ex-Mormons, while there are hundreds of thousands of former church attendees in the true church of Jesus Christ (of everyday saints) who flee the church after graduating from high school.

Maybe that's why Mormons give more, work harder and are exploding as a religion. In 1985 there were 4.5 million Mormons and now there are over 12 million.

When many of our teens graduate from high school, they grab their books and a beer and go off to the college dorm (A.K.A. "The Party Zone"). When Mormon teens graduate from high school they grab a backpack and a bike pump and go off on a mission.

They know what they believe and why they believe it. They've hammered out their theology on our doorsteps. Their souls and minds have been steeled and sealed into Mormon orthodoxy through their fanatical commitment to the accomplishment of their version of the Great Commission.

Meanwhile we compress most of our mission work into one week in Mexico once every year or two. And even that is comprised mostly of building houses, not necessarily advancing the kingdom of God and the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.

There's a great line in the movie Braveheart where Robert the Bruce is commenting on William Wallace to his father. He says, "He believes. I want to believe like he believes."

When I look at the Mormons I think to myself, "They believe. I want to believe like they believe." Now don't get me wrong. I don't want to believe what they believe. Mormon theology is far from what the Bible says about Jesus, God, sin and salvation. It is, by no means, a truly Christian religion.

Having said that, Mormonism pushes their kids harder and takes them deeper and farther than even the most ardent of evangelical youth ministries would ever dare.

Can you imagine a youth group that challenged every teen in the youth ministry to meet at 6am every day of the school year for a class on Christianity? That's exactly what Mormons do with their high schoolers and their belief system! We get excited if once a year at 7:15am, while Mormon teens are coming back from their daily seminary lesson on Mormonism, our teens gather around a pole and pray.

I'm not saying that we copy the Mormons specific strategy. I can't foresee our teenagers racing Mormons to the door in a battle of the bicycles. Nor do I believe the answer lies in a daily early morning class. We don't need to copy their strategy. We do, however, need to adopt their philosophy.

We need to push our teens. We need to turn them into active activists. We need to build consistent opportunities for service, outreach and training. We need to equip them to share their faith and then go with them, leading the way. After all, we are youth leaders.

Somebody may accuse me of looking at this as some sort of competition. It is. We are in a competition with Satan for the souls of our young people. And we are getting our rears kicked.

My problem is not with Mormons. It's with us. Let's learn from the Mormons and turn our kids into missionaries. Armed with the power of the true gospel (not some aberrant belief system) our teens could mount a comeback and help us win this thing.

Game on."

How much are you personally demanding from your children when it comes to their faith?

Last week on my personal blog, I posted some lyrics to a song by Dashboard Confessional. The song is entitled "Several Ways to Die Trying". I'll post them again here, please take a look at them before reading further...

"Pacific Sun, you should have warned us, it gets so cold here.
And the night can freeze, before you set it on fire.

And our flares go unnoticed.
Diminished, faded just as soon as they are fired.

We are, we are, intrigued. We are, we are, invisible.

Oh, how we've shouted, how we've screamed, take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
while closing our caskets cold and tight ... But I'm dying to live.

Pacific sun, you should have warned us, these heights are dizzying,
and the climb can kill you long before the fall.

And our trails go unmarked and unmapped and covered
just as soon as they are crossed.

We are, we are, intriguing. We are, we are, desirable.

Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
while closing our caskets cold and tight ... But I'm dying to live."

Chris Carrabba is issuing a call to arms to the adults, leaders and parents of this generation. He is speaking for all of the kids, my kids, your kids, OUR kids who feel that they have no voice, no input, no one who cares. They are the ones yelling, "Take notice, take interest, take me with you." Over the past few months, I've been reading the weblog of a girl NOT in our youth ministry's sphere of influence. Please read her most recent post. Be warned...it pulls no punches and is graphic.

"Well tonight has been hell. I might spell a few things wrong. I can't feel my fingers on my left hand. You'll find out why in a minute. Just gotta dig through everything else to get there.

I ate today. A grand total of:
a bowl of pasta salad
2 handfuls of mini vanilla wafers
a cheeseburger
and a large (gah) chocolate extreme blizzard.
I shouldn't have had all that. God. I can see that cheeseburger clogging my arteries. After I ate I got on the scale. The number was so fucking huge I won't even say it. I ended up having a lovely urge. I think I'm better now. Of course, I say that after having cut a million times and a lovely salt and ice burn on my wrist (that's why the fingers are numb). But I'm okay. I think. I never really know any more.

Lindsey gave me the link to her diary thing. I read it. Wow. I know she would like shoot me in the ass for saying this, but it makes me worry about her. I want her to be safe and happy. I want her to eat and not worry about it. I want to eat and not worry about it. Who wants to worry about how many calories are in toothpaste? I don't. I would trade anything not to have gotten into this. I want to sit down and eat a fucking big mac if I want to. I want to find a guy that the size of my pants doesn't bother him. I want some one who loves all over a hundred pounds of me. I just want... Idk what I want. I just want every one to be happy. I want to go a whole day where no one says emo, talks about cutting, or has an urge. That would be like heaven. I don't remember the last time I went like more than 2 hours with out thinking about it. I'm even afraid to sleep. It's in my dreams. I don't want to deal with that.

I hope it's cold tomorrow. At least for a hoodie. What about softball? Hopefully cold enough for sleeves. Ick. I'm going to need them. Gym will be a fun one.

I have no clue what I'll allow myself to eat tomorrow. Ugh. I really don't think I'll be able to shove anything down my throat after today. My stupid fat ass self.

And omg. Mama hung clothes in the closet. I'm not allowed to shut the door (something about them not drying; they were wet). So I know I won't sleep tonight. Not with the doors open. I'll probably wake up in the middle of the night and have to get up and close them.
Anyway, done for tonight. I'm starting to get feeling in my fingers. Which equals screaming pain."

About a month ago, when I asked her how her parents responded when they learned of her cutting, she said, "They got mad at me and yelled...then did NOTHING". Nothing. And the girl still cuts. Parents and adults completely un-engaged.

Parents! This is a WAKE UP CALL to us! Are the fears of our children falling on "deaf ears"? Are the flares our children are sending up going "unnoticed, diminished and faded" as soon as they are fired?

While this student is NOT in our youth ministry, I know that some in our ministry feel the same way. What can you do?

Don't burn the roads that lead them to the truth. Don't blind their hearts with your shining lies. Live out your own faith. Be real and honest and transparent with them. Love your kids.

They are crying out to us.

From Come to the Waters comes this article...

"Youth Perspective on Youth Ministry"

Over dinner, my daughter and I were talking about youth ministry. I told her about some of the conversations I’ve been reading around the blogosphere.

She saw my point about Halo and the need for youth to be more about being Christians than just hanging out and having fun. But, she said we adult Christians are using a double standard.

She noted that youth sometimes feel like victims of false advertising. At confirmation we tell them they are taking on the full responsibilities Christianity. They are - despite their status in the wider culture - Christians in full standing, just like the adults.

What this means in practice, however, is often nothing. Even at our church where our lead pastor tries to appoint youth to leadership positions, the voice of youth is often treated as - well - the voice of those at the kiddie table during Thanksgiving.

If we treat them as “not ready for prime time” and relegate their gifts to the youth lounge, what room do we have to then suggest they should be more interested in ‘religious’ youth group meetings than youth-oriented fun meetings. Do we let them act on the inspiration they might find in serious Bible study or prayer setting?

I told my daughter that most adults feel the same way when it comes to matters of church leadership, but that did not seem to help her much."

From Just Another Pretty Face:

"My Problem with Youth Ministry"

My general antipathy toward youth ministers in general is fairly well-documented. Of course, there are individuals in the field whom I truly like but in general I’ve got a bone to pick with youth ministry.

I’m not sure, but I think it happened in the 60s or 70s. Someone, somewhere thought it was a great idea to start engaging the young people with Church. So we started changing the lyrics to popular songs (Who here hasn’t heard “Amazing Grace” sung to the tune of “House Of The Rising Sun”?) and having big parties at church.

When I was growing up, most of the youth ministers I encountered were guys who had some sort of arrested development thing going on. They got into youth ministry because they loved the feeling of someone looking up to them, thinking they were cool. In Junior High I had the best Sunday School teacher. Dave Roth was great. He never talked down to us and delved deep into the meaning of scripture. We had actual Bible study. It was fun and not dry, but we managed to learn at the same time. I’ll stop naming names now, though, because subsequent youth leaders all of a sudden began to believe that we were incapable of study or rational thought. Suddenly church–which I had loved–turned into Mini Golf Paradise. They started youth meetings at 7:37 (Look! A HIP TIME!!!! WE’RE SO TEH KEWL!!!) and bribed us with pizza, pop and ping pong. If there was any Bible discussion at all it was usually pretty facile and covered territory we had already visited in kindergarten. You know–God Loves You! Sharing is Good!

I’ll never forget one of my youth ministers coming to chapel at my Christian School. This was a school where we had in-depth theology classes and deep discussions about things like transubstantiation, abortion, euthanasia and other faith/ethics topics. My youth minister’s idea of addressing “kids” was to sing “Little Bunny Foo Foo”.

As I’ve grown older (and even more curmudgeonly) it seems like this problem was not solely at my home church. The dumbing down of church for the young is causing the modern institutional church to lose 20-somethings at a hemorragic rate.

It’s almost become an expectation that people will drop out of church between 18 and 30 and then return when they have kids and are ready to start “real life.” Meanwhile, the 20somethings are drinking their lives away, buying into the American dream of materialism, and starting off marriages on shaky foundations.

I agree with the bulk of that author’s post, but here’s the thing. I was a 20-something Christian who tried to find a church home periodically. But all the 20-something ministries were geared toward that whole Rock-N-HolyRoll thing. No church seemed to take 20somethings seriously unless they had kids. Then they were only taken seriously as parents of future youth group members.

Yet I wasn’t “buying into materialism” or “drinking my life away”. I was trying to cope with entering the workforce, figuring out who I was, building a healthy marriage, dealing with the struggle of infertility and health issues. In short, I was being a grown-up. But most church congregations don’t see you as grown-up until you hit 30 or drop a couple of shorties–which ever comes first.

The church needs to expect more from people between the ages of 14 and 30. The church needs to realise that this is when serious life choices are being made. Where shall we go to college? Can we go to college? Whom shall we marry? What will we do for the rest of our life? Instead of wooing “youth” with pizza party fun, the church ought to prepare growing people for the challenges of life.

I place a lot of the blame on youth ministers. Instead of hiring a series of Peter Pans to amuse and distract, we ought to hire theologically-grounded counselors with the ability to nurture. Then perhaps institutional church will once again be relevant to those who are adults everywhere but under the steeple."

Finally, there is an article about video games and youth group here. This will be a topic of discussion at our retreat this weekend.

Some interesting videos on girls and self-esteem.