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Monday, October 15, 2007

Last week on my personal blog, I posted some lyrics to a song by Dashboard Confessional. The song is entitled "Several Ways to Die Trying". I'll post them again here, please take a look at them before reading further...

"Pacific Sun, you should have warned us, it gets so cold here.
And the night can freeze, before you set it on fire.

And our flares go unnoticed.
Diminished, faded just as soon as they are fired.

We are, we are, intrigued. We are, we are, invisible.

Oh, how we've shouted, how we've screamed, take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
while closing our caskets cold and tight ... But I'm dying to live.

Pacific sun, you should have warned us, these heights are dizzying,
and the climb can kill you long before the fall.

And our trails go unmarked and unmapped and covered
just as soon as they are crossed.

We are, we are, intriguing. We are, we are, desirable.

Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
while closing our caskets cold and tight ... But I'm dying to live."

Chris Carrabba is issuing a call to arms to the adults, leaders and parents of this generation. He is speaking for all of the kids, my kids, your kids, OUR kids who feel that they have no voice, no input, no one who cares. They are the ones yelling, "Take notice, take interest, take me with you." Over the past few months, I've been reading the weblog of a girl NOT in our youth ministry's sphere of influence. Please read her most recent post. Be warned...it pulls no punches and is graphic.

"Well tonight has been hell. I might spell a few things wrong. I can't feel my fingers on my left hand. You'll find out why in a minute. Just gotta dig through everything else to get there.

I ate today. A grand total of:
a bowl of pasta salad
2 handfuls of mini vanilla wafers
a cheeseburger
and a large (gah) chocolate extreme blizzard.
I shouldn't have had all that. God. I can see that cheeseburger clogging my arteries. After I ate I got on the scale. The number was so fucking huge I won't even say it. I ended up having a lovely urge. I think I'm better now. Of course, I say that after having cut a million times and a lovely salt and ice burn on my wrist (that's why the fingers are numb). But I'm okay. I think. I never really know any more.

Lindsey gave me the link to her diary thing. I read it. Wow. I know she would like shoot me in the ass for saying this, but it makes me worry about her. I want her to be safe and happy. I want her to eat and not worry about it. I want to eat and not worry about it. Who wants to worry about how many calories are in toothpaste? I don't. I would trade anything not to have gotten into this. I want to sit down and eat a fucking big mac if I want to. I want to find a guy that the size of my pants doesn't bother him. I want some one who loves all over a hundred pounds of me. I just want... Idk what I want. I just want every one to be happy. I want to go a whole day where no one says emo, talks about cutting, or has an urge. That would be like heaven. I don't remember the last time I went like more than 2 hours with out thinking about it. I'm even afraid to sleep. It's in my dreams. I don't want to deal with that.

I hope it's cold tomorrow. At least for a hoodie. What about softball? Hopefully cold enough for sleeves. Ick. I'm going to need them. Gym will be a fun one.

I have no clue what I'll allow myself to eat tomorrow. Ugh. I really don't think I'll be able to shove anything down my throat after today. My stupid fat ass self.

And omg. Mama hung clothes in the closet. I'm not allowed to shut the door (something about them not drying; they were wet). So I know I won't sleep tonight. Not with the doors open. I'll probably wake up in the middle of the night and have to get up and close them.
Anyway, done for tonight. I'm starting to get feeling in my fingers. Which equals screaming pain."

About a month ago, when I asked her how her parents responded when they learned of her cutting, she said, "They got mad at me and yelled...then did NOTHING". Nothing. And the girl still cuts. Parents and adults completely un-engaged.

Parents! This is a WAKE UP CALL to us! Are the fears of our children falling on "deaf ears"? Are the flares our children are sending up going "unnoticed, diminished and faded" as soon as they are fired?

While this student is NOT in our youth ministry, I know that some in our ministry feel the same way. What can you do?

Don't burn the roads that lead them to the truth. Don't blind their hearts with your shining lies. Live out your own faith. Be real and honest and transparent with them. Love your kids.

They are crying out to us.

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